3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
