I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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