Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
