wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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