I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
