your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
