he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
