just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
