just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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