Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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