My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
