Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
