I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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