I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
