Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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