I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
