I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
