I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
