I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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