We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize