dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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