Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
