sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
