i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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