is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
