We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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