There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize