i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
