Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
