you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize