Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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