i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
