if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
