the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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