Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As shirtless as possible
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
