just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
