Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
