when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
