Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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