I feel like abortions should bother me more
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
