well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
