we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
