He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
