OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
