somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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