While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
