K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I died a long time ago.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
