you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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