Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
