Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
