Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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