ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
