yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
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