Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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