my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
