I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
