I just made out with a guy for $7.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
