It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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