She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
