Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
