White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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