apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
