Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
