I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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