just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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