Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
