If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
