I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
