she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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