You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize