I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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