Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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