It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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