God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
