I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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