You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
